Goodbye Sam

So we had Sam put to sleep this evening. We went to an emergency clinic after he started gagging and moaning in my room. It was a sign that it was time. It feels like this isn't really my life right now, because the life I know is one where he's alive and looking out the window as I pull into the driveway.

Mom brought his collar out to bury with him. It was weird, because that jangly sound it made when she carried it was his sound, heard for the last time. I put a milk cap ring in there, something he was always finding on the floor and playing with.

Sam, I love you very much and am forever thankful you wandered into my life. You were a member of the family and a good friend, and I'll always remember you. I don't think we'll ever know what happened and I'm sorry you were in pain and I couldn't help. We probably should have done this earlier but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I guess I wasn't strong enough to make that decision.

We buried him right outside the wall of Alex's room. I picked it because he was always standing by the window of that wall, watching outside in the front yard. We didn't let him out much because we were afraid something might happen to him or he could get lost after living at another house for the earlier years of his life. At least he's finally outside that window, where he always longed for.

RIP Samuel Kratt Cat

Sam's not looking so good

I'd say he only has a few days left, and I almost expect him to pass any minute now. I don't know. I've never had to deal with anyone (human or not) slowly dying from a disease. But the way he doesn't meow and the way he does lets me know he's not feeling good at all. I think we'll be putting him down Monday. I wish we didn't have to wait. He's almost non-responsive to anyone, other than a meak tail swish or head turn.

I know Sam's had a good life and we loved him, but I'm indifferent now as to whether or not I'll ever get any more pets. It does get an animal off the street, but I really hate having to deal with this, let alone doing it another time.

I know...I'm a terrible blogger

I just haven't felt like writing lately. I've even been bad at keeping up with my 'Accounts,' and that's just a few quick lines about every-day boring stuff. I've been so busy with the internship/work I haven't had much time to do anything out of the ordinary. But I don't really mind. I need experience and money. Plus this keeps me busy so I don't have to try to make up things to do.

Just found out Sam might have liver cancer. From what I'm told, if that's the case then there's nothing we can do for him. We have to hope it's merely inflammation and that the medicine and IV start working. The thing that upsets me the most is that I want to tie this to something; I want to find where we went wrong, so that it at least makes sense. To think that it's just out of our control is infinitely aggravating.

Alex is coming home this weekend for a visit so that's cool. Haven't seen him since he went back to UT for the start of the spring semester. Maybe I can switch Friday shifts with somebody before it's too late of notice; I'd like to have the afternoon and evening off when he gets into town. And we'll actually be able to do something on Sunday now that the football season is over...who watches the Pro Bowl?